Melissa pictured with her three sons, all under the age of 13. The mother and boys are hiding out from their abusive husband/father who has a history of alcohol abuse and violence towards the mother. Photo: Jesse Marlow
Parents who think their drinking doesn’t have an impact on their children are probably fooling themselves. According to experts, every family, regardless of social class, should take a long, hard look at their drinking habits.
A shocking new report released this week has widened concern over alcohol consumption, with many warning it’s not just binge drinking or big nights out that can have an impact on family life, but everything from dinner parties to after-work wind downs. The harm caused to children ranges from neglect and exposure to inappropriate behavior to accidental injury and domestic violence.
Is your drinking harmful to your kids? Photo: Sylvia Vincent
The Hidden Harm report by the Centre for Alcohol Policy Research says 22 per cent of all Australian children have been affected in some way by the drinking of others.
Children most commonly witnessed verbal or physical conflict or inappropriate behaviour, but some were also verbally abused, left unsupervised or physically hurt as a result of others’ drinking. About half of all reported family violence incidents and child protection cases involved alcohol, the Melbourne University and Victorian Government-backed study found. The impact on children included fear, behavioural problems and shame.
The number of alcohol-related family incidents has been rising in the past decade in Victoria, Western Australia and the Northern Territory. (National figures are difficult to obtain due to different reporting practices across Australia.) In Victoria, the number of alcohol-related family incidents has risen steadily since 2001, the report found, up 12 per cent between 2012 and 2013. In NSW, there were 10,706 incidents of alcohol-related domestic violence in 2010-11.
How much booze puts kids at risk? The National Health and Medical Research Council’s current guidelines on healthy drinking for men and women set a limit of no more than two standard drinks per day and no more than four standard drinks on a single occasion, to reduce health risks over a lifetime.
But the authors of Hidden Harm argue the key measure of appropriate alcohol consumption should be its impact on family life, and children in particular, rather than strict rules of standard measures.
While none of those interviewed advocated banning drinking completely, this new push does mean everything, from the weekend dinner party to drinks at the picnic or the thank-God-its-Friday wines, should be examined.
Professor Robin Room, one of the report’s authors and director of the Centre for Alcohol Policy Research, says parents who drink need to consider how they do so around their kids.
“Most of us go through life thinking we’re not at the problem end of the spectrum. We can always make excuses, there’s always someone who drinks more than you.”
Parents should approach drinking around their children the same way as they approach drinking and driving, he says – making sure they stay well below a safe limit.
Breaching that limit can lead to events like forgetting to arrange to have kids collected. “A lot of the time it’s social rules, things that should get done and don’t, some of the family budget going on drinking rather than food,” Room says. “What we’re highlighting is the variety of other ways, other than domestic violence, that drinking can have a bad effect.”
Families from all walks of life are affected.
“Our research found that when we asked people if kids had been affected by someone’s drinking, it was pretty much across the board,” he said.
Lois Adaway, the chief executive of support groups for family members of alcoholics, Al-Anon, agrees.
“Perhaps higher socio-economic classes cover it up better, but from our observation, drinkers come from all different jobs, age groups, education backgrounds, and with different issues resulting from drinking.”
Kids aged eight to 18 came to Al-Anon (a service adapted from Alcoholics Anonymous) with concerns about worrying levels of drinking.
She says it is commonplace for children of heavy drinkers to have low self-esteem, as they blame themselves for their parent’s addictions, and believe their parents’ drunken behaviour is a reflection on them. In many cases, more damaging than physical harmto these children is psychological damage from watching their parents’ argue, or abuse each other physically. Many of these children have grown accustomed to being treated as a burden and are at high risk of developing a substance dependence themselves in a bid to numb the pain, she says.
“The support groups help them realise they have unique talents, and just because a person who is drunk has told them they are useless, or that they are in the way, or that everything is their fault, does not mean that that is what they are.”
Gayle Correnti, manager of domestic violence unit at Berry Street in the Grampians, in Victoria’s west, says when parents drink heavily, children often become the last priority.
“Thinking about what a child wants and needs is not paramount in the mind of a parent who is a heavy drinker.
“If you’re not relaxed and playful with your child, and if you don’t have the mind to support a child because drinking has become a priority, you are neglecting a person who is already very vulnerable.”
She says the emotional repercussions of neglect caused by a parents’ drinking is an area that needs to be better understood by specialist services, hospitals and schools.
“Neglect and emotional abuse should be seen as a safety issue for children,” Correnti says. “If you are fearful as a child, this changes the way your brain works. It changes your capacity to play and develop in a way that contributes to your development and wellbeing.”
Rather than introduce a new specialist service to support the needs of children of problem drinkers, she argues existing services need to be more aware of their responsibility to support kids by providing counselling, emergency housing and other support.
Many experts also believe the state’s responsibility should include rethinking licensing laws.
Caterina Giorgio, director of policy and research at the Foundation for Alcohol Research and Education, says the report’s finding comes at a time when alcohol has never been more readily available in Australia, and in an environment that pushed the message that it is OK to drink to excess.
There is clear evidence that while more liquor licenses in a community increased the amount of violence generally, Giogio says, increasing the number of bottle shops specifically pushed up the incidence of family violence.
“Researchers all say to me, it’s the number of outlets, it’s the pricing and it’s the culture that normalises drinking to excess.”
The Foundation for Alcohol Research and Education is working on a policy document recommending changes to the availability of alcohol, its pricing and promotion.
Chief executive of Women’s Health East Christine Olaris says the central role of alcohol, particularly taken in large quantities at social events and celebrations, has normalised drinking. Major cultural change as well as licensing reform are needed, she argues.
“We live in a society that encourages drinking as part of every social activity. We all like a drink, alcohol is not terrible, but we need to change the culture and acceptance of binge drinking.”
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Booze’s slippery slope: one family’s story
Melissa* watched her children gradually recede from their father’s consciousness every time he took a sip of beer.
Her partner’s drinking habits were moderate when they started dating eight years ago, but now the man can hardly talk, due to an alcohol-related brain injury.
Melissa and her three boys under 13 are now miles away from the man, living in community housing and under police protection.
What seemed initially an innocent occasional drink evolved into a daily dependence on alcohol, and physical and emotional abuse.
Melissa took the beatings as her children watched. The three boys have reacted differently, she says
Her 13-year-old son, the eldest, saw himself as the man of the house when his father lost control. He developed a tough exterior, shrugging off the pain of his family’s dysfunction.
Her middle son, then a nine-year-old, took on a different role. He would pick up cigarettes for his father when he dropped them on the floor, make his bed, and try to sooth the raging beast as he descended into a drunken stupor.
“I filmed it to show my son so he could see himself later on. He would tell his father, ‘come on, it’s time to go to bed, I’ve made up the bed for you’,” Melissa says.
Late-night drinking, parties and loud music kept the boys awake at night and forced them to skip school.
“Kids need routine and structure. And alcohol abuse in the house leads to a very different lifestyle.”
Open cans of beer lying around the house became a risk to the kids.
“I caught my youngest son taking a sip of a beer that was left opened. It would often happen that my partner would leave alcohol opened, as he passed out, which could be very dangerous for the kids.”
When the father became addicted to ice and turned even more violent, the family moved away and Melissa took out multiple IVOs against her partner, which were breached nearly every time.
Her sons now receive regular counselling and have received support at school, as they started to fall behind.
“It’s hard on the kids. They know alcohol is a bad thing but they still think their father can change. They say, ‘if he loves me, he will change’. They don’t realise that he won’t change for them.”