Carlo Laruccia was happily married and successful in a senior role in his career as an accountant.
He worked with Ernst and Young and Telstra and was also involved in teaching the diploma of chartered accounting.
But then, six years ago, his world collapsed around him and he tried to take his own life.
“It was multiple attempts. I felt quite helpless. I was experiencing the effects of depression and anxiety. It has taken six years of rehabilitation to recover,” he says.
“My marriage failed. We separated after I attended hospital and then later divorced. She supported me the best she knew how and pleaded with me to accept voluntary hospitalisation and I am forever grateful for that.
“I was in denial in that I didn’t need any help. My psychiatrist diagnosed with me with bipolar disorder and I was encouraged to attend day-care programs three days a week for 12 weeks. I was fortunate that it was offered. If I hadn’t received any support, it would have been frightening. I didn’t have a life partner to help me through.
“I just lived with so much shame and guilt and stigma and fear about my suicide attempts. I guess in some ways I found it really hard to connect and I think others found it hard to connect with me as well.”
It has taken six years of seeing a psychologist, psychiatrist and GP, among others, and running and cycling regularly, to get his mental health back on track. Mr Laruccia says he has gained a great insight into the uniqueness and extremity of his experience.
“My curiosity has driven a lot of my recovery. How in the world did my life end up in the situation of attempting to end it? I had a normal upbringing but to end up in that situation, I just couldn’t believe it. I felt a bit trapped because I hadn’t heard many other people speak about it.”
Then he volunteered as an administrator at the Suicide Prevention Australia conference.
“That was the catalyst to start talking more openly. Since then I have become an ambassador for beyondblue and Suicide Prevention.
“I want to, in some way, help share this with others. I really didn’t want to end my life. I just didn’t know how to live and I didn’t have the skills or coping mechanisms that I have now.
“I have just done a two-day [suicide intervention] training workshop in Melbourne . . . I have come into contact with others who have been suicidal. It’s like a first aid course to keep people safe for now.”